Monday, September 21, 2009
I love it when the Lord gives me a full screen look at myself. I like to think that I'm an open, honest, good-natured soul with a winsome spirit and I want to be seen as one who has it together. But to be honest-- sometimes I get a little puffed-up. I am by nature a fairly self-centered person, and know this about myself and want to be other than I am, but there it is.
The past two weeks I’ve been listening to the four Gospels on my ipod while going through the solitary parts of my days. Yesterday I listened to the first half of the Gospel of John and was so stricken by his beautiful telling of Jesus’ ministry that I couldn’t think of much else during the day today. I wove it into my teaching and was feeling great about myself and life by 3:00 pm. I had had a good day-- I'd motivated, challenged, and inspired the young. After school, I had a fairly good homework time with Marla and was thinking that this living in the moment with Christ thing was pretty satisfying. Success. I had my act together.
Then I walked the dog.
Just a block from our home is a rather busy street that has a good bit of traffic for a residential road. There is a very nice sidewalk that many people use as part of a neighborhood dog-walk. As I walked our dog down the sidewalk I noticed that his harness was askew and needed adjusting. Squatting down on the low embankment I began to work on the harness, but somehow lost my balance and fell over sideways and then on to my back… in a dress. Awful.
Mortified, I climbed back to my feet as the cars whooshed by. I found myself laughing aloud as I mentally replayed the topple in slow motion. It was humbling. All of a sudden I wasn’t so cool-- my ego had been downsized to a minuscule portion just when I was starting to feel like I had it all together. I was looking at my outward appearance and feeling pretty foolish.
I’m thankful to the Lord for reminding me of how silly I am on my own. I am thankful for his grace which enables me to truly get back on my feet and walk as if I'd never stumbled. I'm thankful that when He fills me with his truth, no amount of condemnation from the evil one can keep joy from my heart. I'm forgiven-- free. I need him every minute to redeem the time and remind me of whose I am.