While preparing for a lesson I was researching the subject of wrestling with God’s sovereignty over suffering and came upon this message by Tim Keller, of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City. I found it to be incredibly comforting, filling my heart with beautiful perspective. I hope this speaks to yours as well.



SERVICE OF REMEMBRANCE AND PEACE
FOR 9-11 VICTIMS’ FAMILIES
Ground Zero/St. Paul's Chapel
Dr. Timothy J. Keller
Sept. 10, 2006

As a minister, of course, I’ve spent countless hours with people who are struggling and wrestling with the biggest question – the WHY question in the face of relentless tragedies and injustices. And like all ministers or any spiritual guides of any sort, I scramble to try to say something to respond and I always come away feeling inadequate and that’s not going to be any different today. But we can’t shrink from the task of responding to that question. Because the very best way to honor the memories of the ones we’ve lost and love is to live confident, productive lives. And the only way to do that is to actually be able to face that question. We have to have the strength to face a world filled with constant devastation and loss. So where do we get that strength? How do we deal with that question? I would like to propose that, though we won’t get all of what we need, we may get some of what we need 3 ways: by recognizing the problem for what it is, and then by grasping both an empowering hint from the past and an empowering hope from the future.

First, we have to recognize that the problem of tragedy, injustice and suffering is a problem for everyone no matter what their beliefs are. Now, if you believe in God and for the first time experience or see horrendous evil, you rightly believe that that is a problem for your belief in God, and you’re right – and you say, “How could a good and powerful God allow something like this to happen?”

But it’s a mistake (though a very understandable mistake) to think that if you abandon your belief in God it somehow is going to make the problem easier to handle. Dr Martin Luther King, Jr., in his Letter from Birmingham Jail says that if there was no higher divine Law, there would be no way to tell if a particular human law was unjust or not. So think. If there is no God or higher divine Law and the material universe is all there is, then violence is perfectly natural—the strong eating the weak! And yet somehow, we still feel this isn’t the way things ought to be. Why not? Now I’m not going to get philosophical at a time like this. I’m just trying to make the point that the problem of injustice and suffering is a problem for belief in God but it is also a problem for disbelief in God—for any set of beliefs. So abandoning belief in God does not really help in the face of it. OK, then what will?

Second, I believe we need to grasp an empowering hint from the past. Now at this point, I’d like to freely acknowledge that every faith – and we are an interfaith gathering today – every faith has great resources for dealing with suffering and injustice in the world. But as a Christian minister I know my own faith’s resources the best, so let me simply share with you what I’ve got. When people ask the big question, “Why would God allow this or that to happen?” There are almost always two answers. The one answer is: Don’t question God! He has reasons beyond your finite little mind. And therefore, just accept everything. Don’t question. The other answer is: I don’t know what God’s up to – I have no idea at all about why these things are happening. There’s no way to make any sense of it at all. Now I’d like to respectfully suggest the first of these answers is too hard and the second is too weak. The second is too weak because, though of course we don’t have the full answer, we do have an idea, an incredibly powerful idea.

One of the great themes of the Hebrew Scriptures is that God identifies with the suffering. There are all these great texts that say things like this: If you oppress the poor, you oppress to me. I am a husband to the widow. I am father to the fatherless. I think the texts are saying God binds up his heart so closely with suffering people that he interprets any move against them as a move against him. This is powerful stuff! But Christianity says he goes even beyond that. Christians believe that in Jesus, God’s son, divinity became vulnerable to and involved in – suffering and death! He didn’t come as a general or emperor. He came as a carpenter. He was born in a manger, no room in the inn.

But it is on the Cross that we see the ultimate wonder. On the cross we sufferers finally see, to our shock that God now knows too what it is to lose a loved one in an unjust attack. And so you see what this means? John Stott puts it this way. John Stott wrote: “I could never myself believe in God if it were not for the Cross. In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?” Do you see what this means? Yes, we don’t know the reason God allows evil and suffering to continue, but we know what the reason isn’t, what it can’t be. It can’t be that he doesn’t love us! It can’t be that he doesn’t care. God so loved us and hates suffering that he was willing to come down and get involved in it. And therefore the Cross is an incredibly empowering hint. Ok, it’s only a hint, but if you grasp it, it can transform you. It can give you strength.

And lastly, we have to grasp an empowering hope for the future. In both the Hebrew Scriptures and even more explicitly in the Christian Scriptures we have the promise of resurrection. In Daniel 12:2-3 we read: Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake….[They]… will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and…like the stars for ever and ever. And in John 11 we hear Jesus say: I am the resurrection and the life! Now this is what the claim is: That God is not preparing for us merely some ethereal, abstract spiritual existence that is just a kind of compensation for the life we lost. Resurrection means the restoration to us of the life we lost. New heavens and new earth means this body, this world! Our bodies, our homes, our loved ones—restored, returned, perfected and beautified! Given back to us!

In the year after 9-11 I was diagnosed with cancer, and I was treated successfully. But during that whole time I read about the future resurrection and that was my real medicine. In the last book of The Lord of the Rings, Sam Gamgee wakes up, thinking everything is lost and discovering instead that all his friends were around him, he cries out: “Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead! Is everything sad going to come untrue?”

The answer is YES. And the answer of the Bible is YES. If the resurrection is true, then the answer is yes. Everything sad is going TO COME UNTRUE.

Oh, I know many of you are saying, “I wish I could believe that.” And guess what? This idea is so potent that you can go forward with that. To even want the resurrection, to love the idea of the resurrection, long for the promise of the resurrection even though you are unsure of it, is strengthening. I John 3:2-3. ‘Beloved, now we are children of God and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope purify themselves as he is pure.’” Even to have a hope in this is purifying.

Listen to how Dostoevsky puts it in Brothers Karamazov: “I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage, like the despicable fabrication of the impotent and infinitely small Euclidean mind of man, that in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, of the atonement of all the crimes of humanity, of all the blood that they’ve shed; and it will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify what has happened.”

That is strong and that last sentence is particularly strong…but if the resurrection is true, it’s absolutely right. Amen.


Source http://davidkpark.wordpress.com/2006/09/26/timothy-keller-transcript-the-problem-of-suffering/.

Blogging’s been the lowest thing on my priority list this Fall. I’ve blinked and 6 months have flown by along with a collage of experience, growth, and challenge. On Saturday afternoon, I was given the gift of an afternoon/evening by myself and planned to make good use of it by trying to set our house in order for the next assault of busyness, and decided I wanted to listen to a book on mp3 while I worked.

I generally like to listen to music when I clean and I thought about pulling up a fun playlist but on reflection thought maybe something spiritually encouraging would be good. I’ve mentioned in the past that I like to listen to Miette’s Bedtime Story Podcast and have enjoyed the diversity in literature and literary styles that she offers so when I stumbled upon a new podcast I was pleasantly surprised that it promised to deliver some great reads. The Podcast is called LibriVox and I’ve just downloaded Anne of Green Gables and am thoroughly enjoying the book. The sweet and innocent Anne and her love of life have given the last few days a lightness that was sorely needed.

Another other podcast worth mentioning is Great Books. If you’re an avid reader but have a busy life and an ipod, you just might enjoy the world of podcasts too.

When tragedy strikes those we know or love, we can often feel powerless to help them. What can we possibly say or do to comfort and help those who mourn? The following articles answer some questions on how to help people through the loss of a loved one. They are provided by BASIS, an outreach of Handi*Vangelism.


What is grief?
What can I say and do to help the healing process?
What will hurt the healing process more than help

Grief Can Be . . .

* an overwhelming sense of loss
* like walking through a dark tunnel
* an inability to find your way out of that tunnel
* loneliness, emptiness, and sadness
* a feeling of hopelessness
* letting go
* anger and denial
* asking "Why?"
* losing a major part of yourself
* turning toward God
* turning away from God
* tears and more tears
* normal

Grief can be all of the above and more. It may take all of your energy to grieve for your lost loved one. Every person's grief becomes an individualized journey of feelings, emotions and responses.

In John 11, a story unfolds in the town of Bethany, home of Lazarus, Mary and Martha. Lazarus became very ill and died. When Jesus arrived, His soul was grieved because His dear friend had died. Jesus wept with Lazarus' sisters, Mary and Martha. Jesus was modeling for us that grief is a normal reaction to the loss of someone you love. His tears mingled with the tears of other mourners and He was not ashamed to express His true feelings.

You may find that coping with those same feelings in grief can be overwhelming. Here are some practical suggestions which may help you through your grief journey:

* Don't put a timetable on your grief. Allow yourself the freedom to grieve as
much as you need to for as long as you need.
* Allow the tears to flow.
* Don't make any major decisions during the first year.
* Talk about your loved one.
* Express your true feelings with a trusted friend who is willing to go the
distance with you.
* Set small attainable goals for yourself.
* Plan ahead how you will spend anniversary dates and holidays.

You do not have to travel alone on your grief journey. God provides hope for your suffering. Reflect on the following verses that promote God's hope in the midst of grief:

* Isaiah 43:2: Even through much suffering, God is always with you.
* John 14:27: There is no need to feel alone and afraid because we have God's
peace.
* Psalm 23:4: Grieving the death of a loved one can be overwhelming, but God
walks beside us every step of the way.
* 1 Corinthians 15:26: God promises that death is the last enemy to be destroyed.
* 1 Thessalonians 4:14-18: We can experience grief with hope because of the
death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. If we believe in the hope of Jesus
Christ, then heaven becomes a place of wonderful reunions with our loved ones.

Trusting God with your grief can bring both peace and comfort. Jesus, God's Son, experienced grief so He knows what you are going through. May you find rest knowing that God cares for you and desires that you seek Him for hope and comfort.

© 1999 Handi*Vangelism Ministries International


Things That Heal

"I can't begin to understand."

"This verse has been a help to me. Maybe it will be an encouragement to you . . . " (Written down on a notecard and given or sent to the individual would be best. Then he/she can read it when he/she feels up to it.)

"I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how much you hurt."

"I really care about your heartache."

Touching.

Giving freedom for tears. (They are so therapeutic.)

Giving freedom for anger and questions -- even against and about God.

Giving freedom for talking about the loss. (In the case of a death, the one who experienced the loss often fears that the deceased loved one won't be remembered. Talking about the deceased loved one is very important and very healing.)

Placing no restrictions on the time of the grief process. (The real work involved with grief actually takes place 4-5 months after the loss and may continue for 18 months, depending on the type of loss and the people involved.)

Responding very practically to needs:
bring food, paper goods, other staples to home
babysit
housesit
clean the house
make home repairs
take car for inspection, tune-up, etc.
iron
food shop
give certificate for dinner out with spouse/friend

Saying nothing rather than saying the wrong things.

Share a picture of or a little story about the deceased loved one with the family. (It helps preserve happy memories.)

Send cards -- always add a personal note.

Send cards on birthdays, anniversaries, any special occasion that will be especially difficult for a hurting person. (Imagine the pain for someone approaching the death date of a loved one. Imagine the pain for someone approaching the anniversary of his/her marriage after a divorce has taken place. Now imagine how much it would mean to know that you are thinking about him/her and praying for him/her on that day. A card or note to the hurting individual would indicate this.)

Remember siblings -- including grown up ones who are not living at home because they also have hurts. Take them out for a special treat. Help the family plan birthday or other special occasion parties so they won't get lost in the shuffle of grief.

Be ready to drop what you are doing when someone needs you. PEOPLE SHOULD ALWAYS COME BEFORE PROJECTS.

Accept the person where he/she is. (Don't expect others to respond to a situation the way you might or the way someone else has, even if the circumstances are similar.)

Do something special for someone; or give something to someone or some organization in honor of the memory of a deceased loved one -- not just at the time of death but months and years later. Let the family know you are doing this. It will really lift their spirits. (i.e. take a basket of food to a needy family in honor of a deceased loved one. Let the family of the deceased one know you are doing this.)

Avoid fixing blame even in your own mind. It's dangerous and pointless.

Organize relief care for a family with a handicapped child. The parents and siblings need opportunities to be relieved of the care of the child from time to time.

Pray for a hurting individual. Drop him/her a note to tell him/her you are praying and what you are praying for. (Be careful not to be pious in this.)

Project yourself into hurting individual's situation --never to say you understand but just to give yourself sensitivity and discernment in speaking and acting. For example:

imagine the pain of being deformed or physically scarred in some way -- think
about how it feels to be ridiculed or shunned or stared at

imagine spending your life in a wheelchair -- think about how special it would
be to have someone sit by you to converse with you

imagine that you have difficulty speaking because of cerebral palsy or a
stuttering problem -- think about how appreciative you would be if people would
give you whatever time you need to express yourself

imagine that you are mildly mentally handicapped -- think about how much you
want to be treated with dignity

imagine that you are divorced -- think about how poor your self-image might be
when you face others


© 1999 Handi*Vangelism Ministries International


Things That Hurt

"It's time to get on with your life." "It's time to snap out of this."

"I know just how you feel." "I understand."

Quoting Romans 8:28. (It's not that we don't believe it -- it's just very difficult for someone grieving to hear it at the wrong time. Make certain you know the context of the verse. It will help you to use it appropriately.)

"Don't you think you've grieved long enough?"

"You blew it!" (Insensitivity at the time of divorce, separation, or even accident.)

Placing blame -- "It's your fault." "You are letting others down."

"If only . . . " (Everybody can be a Monday morning quarterback.)

Prevent individual from asking questions -- being angry with God.

Avoid the individual because you don't know what to say or do.

Offer advice.

"It's never God's will for a Christian to suffer." (What do we do with Christ's suffering which was clearly God's will?)

Giving pat answers. (There usually are none. You can't always explain God's ways so don't try.)

Forcing forgiveness. (It's important to healing but forcing it only complicates things.)

Kick 'em while they're down! (This happens so often in the Christian community when a brother or sister falls.)

See yourself as God's "messenger" or "ambassador" rather than His instrument. (You have to approach a hurting individual with much sensitivity and compassion -- not with an "I have it all together" attitude.)

Interpret sadness/depression as weakness or lack of faith.

"If only you had enough faith . . . " (How much is enough? A grain of mustard seed isn't much. Additionally, God heals because of the faith of others too. See Luke 5:20.)

"If there's anything I can do . . . let me know." (Most grief stricken people don't know what they must do, much less what someone else might do for them.)

"You're young. You'll get over it." "You'll have other children."

Avoid mentioning the deceased one's name.

"At least you have other children."

Change the subject when the deceased is mentioned.

With a miscarriage -- "At least you never really got to know this child. It should hurt less."

© 1999 Handi*Vangelism Ministries International

Breathe.
Lean into the
trial or pain you endure;
for there are treasures
hidden for us in the dark places
by the one who loves us.
Take your time.
Cry your tears.
Tell God what you need to tell him.
He sees your hurts and hears your cries.
You are his precious child.
Remember that you're dear to him,
remember you are forgiven.
Live for Him
out of the immense spring of gratitude
that wells up within the believer
when grace is fully realized.
Every trial is a mixed cup,
both bitter and sweet
of which we sip
the mercy of His Spirit.
Grow.
Trust.
Live.

I love it when the Lord gives me a full screen look at myself. I like to think that I'm an open, honest, good-natured soul with a winsome spirit and I want to be seen as one who has it together. But to be honest-- sometimes I get a little puffed-up. I am by nature a fairly self-centered person, and know this about myself and want to be other than I am, but there it is.

The past two weeks I’ve been listening to the four Gospels on my ipod while going through the solitary parts of my days. Yesterday I listened to the first half of the Gospel of John and was so stricken by his beautiful telling of Jesus’ ministry that I couldn’t think of much else during the day today. I wove it into my teaching and was feeling great about myself and life by 3:00 pm. I had had a good day-- I'd motivated, challenged, and inspired the young. After school, I had a fairly good homework time with Marla and was thinking that this living in the moment with Christ thing was pretty satisfying. Success. I had my act together.

Then I walked the dog.

Just a block from our home is a rather busy street that has a good bit of traffic for a residential road. There is a very nice sidewalk that many people use as part of a neighborhood dog-walk. As I walked our dog down the sidewalk I noticed that his harness was askew and needed adjusting. Squatting down on the low embankment I began to work on the harness, but somehow lost my balance and fell over sideways and then on to my back… in a dress. Awful.

Mortified, I climbed back to my feet as the cars whooshed by. I found myself laughing aloud as I mentally replayed the topple in slow motion. It was humbling. All of a sudden I wasn’t so cool-- my ego had been downsized to a minuscule portion just when I was starting to feel like I had it all together. I was looking at my outward appearance and feeling pretty foolish.

I’m thankful to the Lord for reminding me of how silly I am on my own. I am thankful for his grace which enables me to truly get back on my feet and walk as if I'd never stumbled. I'm thankful that when He fills me with his truth, no amount of condemnation from the evil one can keep joy from my heart. I'm forgiven-- free. I need him every minute to redeem the time and remind me of whose I am.

What’s For Dinner?




Last night as I prepared some pork chops for grilling I was thinking about the rub recipe that I generally default to and was uninspired. My taste buds were begging for something new and different. Thinking through the ingredients that were readily available in the refrigerator and pantry I decided to Google ginger and pork chops and after scrolling through a few entries landed on one that promised to be a winner. Quick, easy, and delicious! What more could I ask for?

Ginger and Honey Glazed Grilled Pork Chops

4 pork chops, 1 1/2 inches thick
1/3 cup honey
3 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon powdered ginger or 2 teaspoons fresh grated ginger
1 teaspoon sesame oil

Preparation:
Combine marinade ingredients in a small bowl. Place pork chops in a shallow glass dish. Pour marinade over chops, cover, and allow to marinate in refrigerator for 1-3 hours. Preheat grill for medium heat. Remove chops from glass dish and discard marinade. Place chops on a lightly oil grill rack and allow to cook for 20-25 minutes, turning once.

*These pork chops are not only simple, but really delicious. Though you can use any kind of pork chop you wish to, center cut is recommended for this recipe.
Prep Time: 12 minutes
Cook Time: 25 minutes

Served with Jasmine rice, black beans, and sliced kiwi-- Delicious!

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.” ~Anais Nin

“You were off all summer—you should have been writing!” chided my erstwhile friend. What could I say? It was true. I did have 8 weeks off, and only really had one week where I was away. Why haven’t I been writing? I had great intentions, surely, and I sat down at the computer countless times. Yet, each time I’d try I’d find myself dry, empty of beautiful words.

Earlier in the year I abused my voice by teaching on laryngitis and by the end of the term I sounded like a carton a day smoker with constant throat pain and hoarseness. After seeing an ENT and a Voice specialist, it was decided that I needed two full weeks of voice rest. I am a very relational person, and communicate for a living. Two weeks of voice rest had about as much appeal for me as two weeks of bed rest would for an athlete; but I did it. The first 10 days were unremarkable albeit long, then Marla caught a throat infection and I came down with it too resulting in an additional two weeks of quiet time. Now, I’m not complaining, really… there are treasures to be found in the silence when you listen, and I uncovered quite a few; however, I found a melancholy had descended upon my spirit that didn’t lift when the silence ended. The long season of quiet brought about sadness that I just couldn’t shake. I read uplifting books, worked at the church, listened to beautiful music, worked in the yard, and played with our child, but all under a gloomy cloud.

Somehow in the passage of the last week it has begun to lift. The stress has lessened and the enjoyment of creativity reawakened. I’m thankful for the return of enthusiasm and passion for each day’s undertaking and a lighter spirit and for the grace of God that never departs even when I’m low. Words are returning, beginning to flit through my mind like dry leaves stirred by the breeze.

Sandcastles

When I was very young my mother taught me how to build sandcastles. There was something immensely satisfying in packing the moist sand into a bucket, forming turrets and walls, and then decorating them with coquina shells that seemed like tiny pastel butterfly wings. We'd add spires and designs by scooping up wet handfuls of sand by the surf and dripping small bits on in little glistening globs. Each one seemed like a work of art to me.



Last Summer, we played with sand art just a bit on the beach while we vacationed in Sanibel. A small starfish took me over an hour to make, and a giant swordfish took us all day. We collected close to 1000 shells to create that one.

Last night, a friend sent me some pictures of sand art from the Cannon Beach Annual Sandcastle contest on the coast of Oregon. It takes patience, vision, and skill to create something truly beautiful. The creators of these incredible sand sculptures truly possess those attributes and more!















































If you'd like to see more, you can check out the contest's website. The photos are simply amazing!

Summer often brings out the hedonist in me. I love the break from the intensity of teaching and the time I have to slow down, enjoy life and my family, and do things that simply bring me pleasure.

Yesterday I decided to take an impromptu trip to the beach. We’re only about 45 minutes from the East Coast, so I was thinking of maybe driving over to New Smyrna with Marla and her friend Elle. Just as we were preparing to leave, my husband called on his way home from work to let me know that the weather over there was less than favorable. Not to be daunted I decided to drive another 40 minutes and head over to Clearwater. Although I dislike the traffic in the Tampa area, it was definitely worth it!





If I could have my wish, I would live on the Gulf Coast beach. I love the warm water, the seashells, the sugary sand… all of it. Maybe it has to do with the nostalgia it evokes, having spent much of my childhood on the Sarasota/Bradenton beaches, but I think it is possibly something more. Sitting on the beach, listening to the surf, looking out over the vast expanse of water while birds dip and wheel overhead is like medicine for my spirit. Troubles seem to blow away with the breeze and my heart feels lighter, younger, and free.

It gives me such joy to see the same transformation of spirit take place in my daughter, who smiles incessantly from the moment she steps onto the sand until her head hits the pillow at the end of the day. I found myself smiling in unison with her as I watched her cavort in the waves and surf, laughing with exclamations of delight as she gave herself to the wonder of the day.









I’m thinking we just might do it again next week.

What Blew In With the Storms...

A few weeks ago we had some fierce storms roll through our area resulting in five days of constant rain and frequent lightning. It reminded me of hurricane season when after the initial blast of storms we’d be besieged by rain. I generally like a rainy day or two as I enjoy sitting by the window watching the stormy winds toss the branches of our live oaks, making them dance and sway as if they were moving to some wild melody that only they might hear, but after a few days I find my enjoyment waning as I have to get out in it to go to work, take out the trash, or walk our dog.

One evening after several days of intense rain I ventured forth into the stormy weather to walk our dog Amos. Moving down our street with our golf umbrella held almost as a shield in the gusty rain, I heard a pitiful mewling coming from our neighbor’s yard. As I neared the bushes it seemed to emanate from I saw a little white blur bolt past me and disappear around the corner. I tried to follow, but soon gave up as the intensity of the storm drove me back home toward shelter. That evening I lay in the bed thinking about the poor animal and the predatory birds that I often see in our neighborhood. My husband surmised that someone had probably dumped some kittens nearby and said that he’d heard one earlier in the week but had been unable to catch it. We agreed that if we heard it again we’d try to rescue it and take it to the animal shelter where maybe it could be adopted.

Several days of chasing a feral kitten in the rain ensued with no success, until one evening as I prepared to slog through the rain to take Amos out once again for his walk I heard it’s cries emanating from our carport. Grabbing a flashlight I peered underneath Don’s ATV to see a thin, sick, and frightened little thing, her eyes almost swollen shut and her ears showing signs of having been in at least one skirmish. Marla brought some cheese out and we placed a little under the edge of her shelter, which she immediately gobbled up. We laid out a little trail of cheese leading to a small animal carrier, watching her dart out to grab a piece and then retreat to her shelter. When she finally reached the carrier we were able to close the door behind her, and then gave her a little canned tuna and water. The following morning we took her to our vet who confirmed that she was indeed sick with eye and respiratory infections. His advice was to see if she could be socialized into the family, which made our Marla incredibly happy, and after two weeks, our little kitten (now named Mercy) has won our hearts and provided our dog Amos with a playmate and our daughter with a sweet cuddling friend.

Teach me your ways O Lord,
That I may love those who persecute me,
Pray for those who wish to do me harm,
And live in a manner that reflects whose I am.

May I never stop learning about your mercy and grace.
May the beauty of your Word always lift my spirit,
May I know your peace all my days.

Show me my sins that I choose to ignore--
The ones that I hide so well as to even fool myself.
And help me to reflect your beauty in humilty.

For you are wisdom, power, holiness, goodness, and truth.
You speak and the very elements of nature obey you.
You set the stars in their places and the planets on their paths.
You made all things.
Nothing can escape your hand.

Yet you love me intimately, as if I were your only child.
You cause me to draw breath and know every fiber of my being.
I am held together by you.

Help me to love you truly as you love me,
And to love others with the same love I feel for myself.
Help me to forgive for I have been forgiven much
and to rest in your love which you have lavished on me.

I’ve been cleaning the house this evening, trying to restore some order to the inside as I’m hoping to play outside in the yard next week over spring break. I started in the dining room, moving a lamp or two around and rearranging a few photos that were clustered on a side table. Stopping, I picked up Jesse’s picture and ran my finger along his face, brushing away the dust on the glass. Peering intently at his eyes, drawn into their blueness, I drank in the curve of his cheek and the sweet twist of his crooked smile, so like my own. His hair was lifted by the breeze and he was glancing down at the sand smiling as he watched the water rushing toward his toes. If I closed my eyes, I could remember that moment—hear the surf—almost remember the sound of his voice. My throat began to tighten and my heart pounded with the familiar aching that has been a companion for such a long time.

This Memorial Day weekend marks the 10th year that we have been without Jesse in our lives. Some days I think of him in passing, and others I can think of no one else. Tonight, looking at his picture I was ambushed by the intense desire to hold him, smell his hair, and lace my fingers with his small ones. The gift of time has helped with the searing intensity grief, but there are still times when the waves of sorrow break over me and I am pulled down by a rushing current of pain. However, these times also provide a much needed gift— although laden with anguish, they bring with them memories that are achingly sweet, and give me the opportunity to remember him anew, mixing joy with sorrow.

I haven’t been able to write much about him yet, but I thought I might post a picture.

I miss you Jesse.

OCS London Choir Trip 2009

Day Four


The figure of speech “saving the best for last” definitely applied to our last full day in England! We were up early and enjoyed a full English breakfast at the Limply Stoke Hotel. Following breakfast we loaded up the coach and set off for the city of Gloucester for a performance at Gloucester Cathedral. This would be our last performance on the trip and we were eager to sing. The cathedral was built in the Norman style at the center and then in the Gothic style in all surrounding areas.



Upon entering the cathedral, our eyes were immediately drawn to the magnificent stained glass windows.



Looking to the right we saw the ornately carved pipe organ.



We had just a few minutes to look around before it was time to assemble for our concert. Taking the time to warm up and focus, we prayed as a group and then began our performance. The choir sang beautifully, their voices filling the cathedral. It was a moving experience for the students and for those in the audience and we were thankful to be able to end with such a positive and uplifting concert. The picture below was taken just as we were taking our places to warm up and pray.



One of the many things that captured our imaginations were the finely sculpted images found on both the interior and exterior walls.









We had a little time after our concert to explore the cathedral and grounds, finding a beautiful courtyard which offered us an opportunity for taking pictures.







Leaving Gloucester, our spirits were high—we’d had a great performance and had been touched ourselves by the music and the time in the great cathedral. Our afternoon would be spent in Stratford-upon-Avon, the birthplace of William Shakespeare, and then at Warwick Castle, the oldest castle in England.

We saw thatched roof cottages in Stratford, and were amazed by their charm. A thatched roof was always “signed” by its maker with a specific pattern cut into the thatch near the apex of the roof.





The city was charming with its Victorian storefronts, whitewashed walls, and lovely gardens. We took in the sights and found some lunch in small groups. Although our time there was short, it was definitely memorable.







The last stop of the day would be Warwick Castle!



The castle was built in the 11th century and was the fortified residence of William the Conqueror. It was sold in the 20th century to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum and was restored at that time. The kids had a great time exploring the castle and its grounds.













This would be our last night in England. We loaded up the coach and drove to our hotel in Coventry. The hotel was located next to the St. Michael's cathedral in Coventry, which we’d wanted to see, but made it in too late to visit. Don, Marla, and I strolled over to peer through the gates to look at what remained of the once glorious cathedral. The Lufwaffa bombed the cathedral in Coventry during WWII and what remains is now a memorial to those who lost their lives in that attack.





A new cathedral has been built to replace St. Michael’s and has this figure of the Archangel Michael in victory over Lucifer.



Tomorrow would bring a pre-dawn departure for London Heathrow. What a week we’d had! Our hearts and our minds had been enlarged by this experience—we’d seen places we’d only heard of, sung in glorious cathedrals, shared God’s message through song, and grown as people. We hope to take what we’ve learned and put it to use in our lives and our music.